Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
