The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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