My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
