Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
