I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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