I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i believe in u and ur pee
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
