I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
