I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
