not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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