I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
