god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
