Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
