I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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