we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
