So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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