I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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