we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
