The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
