go do what you do best...puke behind churches
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
