your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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