Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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