she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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