So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
