Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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