you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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