Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
