I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
