its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
