Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
