i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Naked. naked and bneed help.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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