i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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