He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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