I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
