Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ttyl tear gas
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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