you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Boobs speak an international language.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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