she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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