And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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