In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
