I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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