Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
