I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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