I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
