i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
