So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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