I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
