can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
