Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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