Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
