I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
