im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
